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Why did the narrator feel he could have welcomed a firing party?

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The author had made many bids in a low margin and got escaped. But he got trapped by saying “and fifty” when a picture was put up for sale with a starting price of 4000 guineas. No one else raised the stake. The auctioner rang the bell and the author realized with alarm how on earth he could ever raise that much money. He thought he could find a firing party to shoot him down. Death is better than public disgrace.

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